HANSON ASSAULTED TWO HUNDRED AND SEVENTY EIGHT TIMES BY CAUCASIANS

by Martin Zygote

Pauline Hanson, who was jailed two days ago for releasing annoying novelty songs, was sexually assaulted a record two hundred and seventy-eight times within ten minutes of entering her cell. Strangely enough, prison authorities report that her attackers were all white. None of the black prisoners seemed to want to have a go.

A police spokesman said the frenzied twenty seven hour long gang assault involved twenty three different dominant lesbian prisoners and various implements like broom handles, spoons and prison canteen potatoes.

"We've never seen anything like this before, they just turned into a pack of wild animals as soon as she arrived," the spokesperson said, adding that it was a new record for the number of sexual assaults commited on a single new prisoner on their first day in jail.

David Oldfield said yesterday he had spoken to Ms. Hanson and she was still shaken by her ordeal but relieved that she had not been attacked by any black people or asians.

"It's because Pauline's an attractive woman and...how can I put this...she attracts a certain kind of woman. The prisoners who did this are all One Nation voters, and they just couldn't wait to get their hands on her, they love her so much. I'm just afraid they might tear her apart before she gets out. "It just shows how ridiculous this whole thing is. She's been framed by an evil draconian government, and this is part of their plan to destroy her."

He went on to say that Hanson was exactly like former political prisoner Nelson Mandela, with the only real difference between them being that she doesn't like black people.

"They must have known this would happen, it was obvious Pauline would be sexually victimised by butch female prisoners. What they have done is very wrong."

Pauline's three year jail term has been widely criticised as being too harsh. She was imprisoned after releasing two novelty songs which made use of the musical technique "sampling". These songs, "I don't like it" and "Please Explain" were modest hits for Pauline, who released them under the name Pauline Pantsdown. It was feared that if Hanson was not put in jail soon she would release a third song.

Hanson was reported to be fine but sore this morning, and has issued a request through her lawyers for her supporters to send her large bottles of lubrication to help her through her three year sentence.



Hanson shortly before being jailed and having a broom shoved up her arse

Posted by Martin Zygote at August 22, 2003 04:31 PM