Oh happy day! This is the 100th pearl of satirical gold to ever be posted on this web site! Who would have thought just 1 year ago, that 1 year later, Perth Rock City would still be alive and kicking? Not us for damn sure. We expected to be in jail or at the bottom of the Swan River with our hands bound and out feet in concrete (Please Mr Kizon no! We promise we won't tell anyone we saw you drinking herbal tea and playing with puppy dogs! We've already forgoten what we saw! Herbal Tea? What's that? Puppy dog? What puppy dog? You see!? Oh Jesus Christ please don't kill us!).

But NO! Not us! We are indomitable! Like the perthonalities we harass we are resilient. We can't be squashed easily. We are capable of living off the small scraps of food we find on the floor of the Perthrockcity offices. In these and other ways we are more like cockroaches then we care to consider (although Calire Amazoslafontz is quite partial to the idea of being something that has a "cock" in it). So much so that we frequently comment to one another that if a nuclear bomb were to fall on Perth we would probably survive quite comfortably, sitting here writing our hilarious satire. Deformed mutants are almost as funny as Luke Steele poetry anyway.

What dizzying heights have we risen to in this time? We are now number one in the highly competitive field of "internet websites that hate Luke Steele, Trent Reznor, Lisa McCune, Basil Zempilas, Peter Nattrass and a whole load of other total knobs that live in perth". An exclusive field if ever there were one.

In celebration of this august occasion let me present to you this first in a series of many....

......

The Things That People Search At Google To Find Perth Rock City.
Let me explain this new segment. Roughly half of all the people that come to Perth Rock City come from Google. They search the name of some banal little perthonality in Google and then Google sends them here to PRC to get more information. The statistics for the perthrockcity servers then tells us how many hits google has sent us, and what phrase was searched each time.

From now on, once every month (or untill I can next be bothered to care) I pick one of the most common topics people are searching to find there way here and then I am going to do some research on that particular topic.

Search: "Coffin Cheaters"
Number of hits: 123

Yep thats right folks.... 123 people searched "Coffin Cheaters" at Google and found their way to Perth Rock City. Fuck knows why people care so much. They are just some dudes who ride around on over glorified scooters cheating coffins. It beats the fuck out of me why this is deemed necessary because Coffins suck at poker. I would have thought you could make a Motorbike Club called "Quite Fair And Reasonable With Coffins" and do perfectly well in the world of riding around on bikes being an old overweight man with Saddam Hussein facial hair (the homeless, "living in a spiderhole", Saddam Hussein, not the "lives in a palace and owns a middle eastern country, Saddam Hussein".)

Regardless of how little I care about Coffin Cheaters I decided I should respect the overwhelming wishes of the people that came here from Google and do a little bit of research on the Coffin Cheaters. If the people came here for information on the Coffin Cheaters then information on the Coffin Cheaters is what they will get.

So i went to this site. It says...

Locals said while the Coffin Cheaters' presence in Katherine sparked a lot of interest and curiosity, there was no trouble.

"They didn't do anything, they came through, got their petrol, did a bit of shopping and then took off,'' a local said.

Fucking hell! The Bikers are T-O-U-G-H! Did a bit of shopping and then took off!

That was a good start, but what else can i find out about Coffin Cheaters other then that they like to do a bit of shopping and then take off? What do people REALLY want to know about the Coffin Cheaters? And suddenly it occurs to me.... I imediately compose the following email to Coffin Cheater President, Eddie Withnell.

Date: 5/5/2004 09:49:03 From: "Wangst McPants" To: [email protected] Subject: Perth Rock City G'Day Eddie! My Name is Wangst McPants. I am doing a little bit of research for my website, Perth Rock City. I am trying to find out a few things about the Coffin Cheaters. Question 1: When a Coffin Cheater dies are they buried or cremated? Question 2: If they are buried...... what do you bury them in? Do you put them in a big plastic bag and then lower them into the ground? Or do you put them in a Coffin and just sort of accept that the Coffin must win eventually? Truly, Wangst McPants

When Eddie sends me a reply I will post it on Perth Rock City straight away. I'm sure this is an issue we are all keen to learn more about.

Next on Perthrockcity: Do the Gypsy Jokers tell jokes that are not about Gypsies and why are Gypsies so funny to them?

Posted by Wangst McPants at May 5, 2004 09:09 PM