Upstart racists should learn something from me, says Jack Van Tongeren

Well known racial terrorist Jack Van Tongeren today denied he was behind yesterday's racist attack on a Perth synagogue. Swastikas and anti-semitic slogans were painted on the walls of the building, and police had said that Van Tongeren was a suspect. But Van Tongeren said it wasn't him as he can't spell. "I only ever use racist stickers, cos I can make them on my computer, so I can use the spell-checker.

"I dictate the stickers to my secretary and he makes them up using a spell-checker. Painting words isn't my style."

Van Tongeren said he only had a spell-checker on his computer, and not a similar program that can check logic. Which was why several of his stickers made no actual fucking sense at all.



Van Tongeren in a strange hat yesterday

"That's more proof it wasn't me," he said. "Short punchy slogans like Jews Out isn't my style either. I prefer long rambling nonsensical sentences which contradict themselves several times. That's my new stategy you see, to confuse the shit out of people. Not to attack them.

"Obviously the people who did this were these young racists just starting out who think they know everything. I would want to say to these people, they are giving Perth neo-nazis a bad name. I have learnt from experience that painting swastikas everywhere just doesn't work. It's so last century.

"My own hate crime organisation has conducted research and we've come to the conclusion that strange, illogical and bewildering stickers that don't make a bit of fucking sense are the only way to go.

"It's like advertising, when you see an ad that makes no sense, and it sticks in your mind. Someone might be walking down the street and they'll see one of my stickers on a lamp-post or something, and it's some strange, inexplicable thing about Banks being Criminals, and they'll think to themselves, what the fuck does that mean? What the fuck does that have to do with being racist? And then I've got them thinking about it you see.

"That's what I'm doing now, branching out into other areas. People have come to expect nothing but your straightforward racism from me, but I want to show them I'm an ideas man and I've got other ideas as well."

Van Tongeren said he was soon going to be bringing out a series of stickers which dealt with issues such as cooking and gardening.

Jack Van Tongeren lives in Gosnells and has an awful lot of time on his hands.

Posted by Martin Zygote at July 19, 2004 02:03 PM