Tuesday, 17th April 2001
I nearly had a major car crash the other day. I nearly collided with another car at 80kmh. Had I have hit this little hatchback, the impact would have been smack bang on my driver side door. 80kmh on the driver side door. I would have died.
I was traveling down Leach Highway in my little brown Gemini, on my way to work, when I just passed through the intersection of Welshpool Road and Leach Highway. By the way I don't expect these details to mean very much to most people, im just setting the scene a bit. It's mostly through an industrial area so, luckily, there weren't any kiddies on bikes for me to run over. There was also a nice wide stopping lane on my left, which would turn out to be quiet fortuitous.
Just as I passed through said intersection I turned to my right for a second to look at something intresting on the lane heading in the opposite direction. If your American, please bear in mind that we Australians drive from the passenger seat and drive 'to' in the 'fro' lane and 'fro' in the 'to' lane (getit? to and fro? ahh i crack me up).
Anyway, it turns out that what I had momentarily turned my head to look at, probably wasn't really worth the effort in the long run. In fact so much so, that i've forgotten what it was that I was even looking at. I have not however, forgotten slamming on my anchors and swerving to the left to narrowly avoid collecting the car in front. That shit is hard to forget. Did i mention is to was also peak traffic hour? Well it was, and I hadn't expected the line for the following set of lights to be backed up so damned far. So I assumed everyone was still moving and everything was cruisy. Turns out that the car in front had stopped dead behind the car in front of it which had also stopped dead behind the car in front of it etc etc. Meanwhile, I was still doing a casual 80kph, with my big boof head looking out the window at somethink way less important then the car not 30 meters in front of me.
When I turned my head and noticed how alarmingly quickly the car in front was coming towards me, my adrenal gland went into spasms.
My heart followed suit a nanosecond after.
My right foot, now on the break, also went into spasms, a nonosecond later still: 2 fucking whole nanoseconds wasted while my brain piss-farted around getting ready to make me respond.SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.
Another nanosecond.
"FUCK... IM GOING TO SKID RIGHT INTO THAT GUYS BACKSIDE!!!".
Another nanosecond.
HOLLY FUCK MY DAD IS GOING TO FUCKING KILL ME! I CAN'T AFFORD A NEW CAR! WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?!? I KNOW! ILL SWERVE TO MY LEFT SO I COLLECT THE IMPACT ON MY DRIVER SIDE DOOR!
Another nanosecond.
Swerve left. Car goes sideways. Still skidding.
I come to a stop, almost perpidicular to the other car and with my driver side door less then half a meter away from the other cars tow bar. A few seconds pass. My mouth has started to move like im trying to say something..... but nothing comes out. I imagine it to look sort of like a goldfish, but less intelligent looking.
A minute passes and my mouth still won't stop doing the goldfish thing, despite my best efforts to come to grips with what just happened. As thoughts race through my mind it occurs to me that everyone is probably looking at me. Men in suits and Mums heading to or from Primary Schools, peer at me from behind their steering wheels and i feel the hair sticking up on the back of my neck. I am embarrassed at being so unco. For a second I entertain the possibility of turning the whole embarrassing situation around and making something cool out of something not at all cool. I think about jumping out of the car and wooping for joy with cries of "IIIIIMMMMM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIII
IVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEE". Or beeping my horn a few times and trying to look hardcore as i flick the bird to guy in front. "Yeah buddy... Ya like that do ya? Scared ya didnt I you little piker! Go on get fucking moving or ill almost hit ya again!" In the end I do none of these great ideas. I keep on going with the goldfish thing instead.
I mange to turn the ignition on again and limp off to work.
And yet..... seemingly regardless of how close i came to oneness with my driver side door, i still seem to find it in me to post the story on my site and make light of the whole incident. I should almost die more often.
Cam girls love me. Which is why i think i might set up some Cam portals and maybe pilfer some of Stile's cam girls away from the stile project and over to Angstythink. Yair that would be sweet.U C I've decided that I dont have a broad enough range of content here at Angstythink. Me writing about a diverse range of topics is not quite the same thing. I need more pron, more mp3s, more of the typical ENish side content weve all come to love. Atleast untill i can think of something creative.
Hmmmmm creative. Lets see...... Maybe a cartoon series?? Ohh sweet. Thats a fucking tops idea. Ill write a cartoon. Sort of like the cartoon series that IRCNews write, taking the piss out of EFnet. Or like the cartoon JeffK writes.
Or maybe i could try my hand at some abstract art. Abstract art is easy.
Or perhaps i should make myself a persona and let him/her write on Angsythink. I was already thinking about getting another author for this site, and who better to get then another aspect of myself. Sort of like the different persona's Gyrate used to do or Lowtax's JeffK.
comments?
Friday, 6th April 2001
I'm a weeeee bit tipsy on cheap cask red wine, so now seems like a good time to update the site. Its been 16 days since i updated too, so double the reason for updating right now while im feeling funny. Don't mistake feeling funny with being funny. Even i will be able to tell one from the other in the morning.
All we need now it Pierce Brosnan to come along and sort everything out. Unfortunately Mr Brosnan was busy with his Planet Ark buddies, saving the rainforrestes and the whales and the shark fins and the air we breath from the loggers and the Japenese and George Dubiya respectively, so in the absense of Pierce Brosnan were all going to have to settle for Dubiya as the suave sophisticated diplomatic sort.
Dubiya will have to fly over to china and use a little bit of that texan magic to wax diplomatically with the chinese President.
Dubiya: Give back us our plane dagnammit! Or we'll... we'll.... well we'll think of SOMETHING bad. And when we do you'd better look out!
China: BAH? What will u do? Give nuclear weapons to the taiwanese? Refuse us entry in the WTO? BAHH! Take your best shot u dirty little gwylo!
Dubiya: I KNOW! We'll refuse to sign the Kyoto protocol!
China: Okay! Please don't hurt us! We'll do anything you say!
AND NOW IM TOLD THAT I HELPED PAY (maybe one percent of one cent) FOR THESE RETARDS THAT CAN'T EVEN STAND UP STRAIGHT NEXT TO A FIRE, TO COME OUT HERE AND PLAY SOME PANSY REALITY TV GAME!!!
Fuck that.
The aussie military have been smoking uncle sams cock since some time after WWII and some time before Vietnam: about when we realised Britain weren't an international power anymore. Anyway, in the end its boiled down to this. Were funding comercial ventures for Americans. CBS might as well get the Australian Air Force to fund SurvivorIII in Kenya. It wont have anything at all to do with Australia, but im sure our men and women in green and green will have no qualms whatsoever about spending more money on retarded Americans.
Is that how bored our army is? Their so happy to get a chance to dust off a plane and do something with it they do it for free. The indonesians not keeping our armed forces on their toes? The threat of an armed kiwi invasion just not inciting any vigilance in our army like it used to? A shortage of retarded european sailors drowing down near antartica, that need saving? All of the above i'd say.
I mean i spose it wouldnt really be a big deal. Ok so they got a free plane trip. Big fucking Woop. My biggest unanswered question, is why did it cost $300,000?? Did Jeff ask the pilot if they could buzz Parliament house before they head for the outback proper? Do airforce pilots get paidby the second? Do these Caribou personel carriers burn rocketfuel? What could possibly make a trip from townsville to some place not far off townsville, cost $300,000?
And why do they keep talking the survivor camp, up as the most inhospitable place on earth. ITS GREEN MOTHER FUCKERS! Inhospitible, is the red center. Where your sweat pours from every orifce. Where the dust finds it way into everything. Where Crocidile Dundee types have to save you from man eating corcidiles and canable Aborigines. Unless atleast one survivorer dies through some natural phenomana or something to do with the Australian "outback",then the whole "Australia is such a dangerous place" angle should have been scrapped. The best we got was a retard falling into a fire. Goddamnit thats not a natural phenomena. Why couldn't a kookabura have pooped on his head causing him to loose balance. Why couldn't a dingo have howled in the distance, distracting him and making him fall in the fire.
Has that Texan been voted off yet? I think he has. Why couldnt another particular Texan have been voted off so easily a few months ago?
Jeff Probst: "The tribe has spoken. Sorry did i say the tribe? I meant florida and the supreme court. U will not be president Mr Gore."
Dubiya:"W000T. Go Ogakor!"
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