fact
ExistAngst is the nom de guerre for Ryan Albrey, a young internet nerd, born in the 81st year of the 20th century to proud parents Allan and Glenda.
He makes kebabs. It is his profession and like most professions, defines and determines his identity. In fact in their 1995 album, Undeniably The Whitlams, Australian band, The Whitlams had a song about ExistAngst and his days spent as a kebab-boy. It was to be called "He Makes Kebabs". It was to be an account of Angstys famous exploits seducing pretty girls with large phallic doner kebabs. Sadly... at the last moment Tim Freedman, known as "Timmo You Pretentious Fag" to his mates, decided to rename the song to "I Make Hamburgers" and remove all references to the true source of the song. ExistAngst thinks Tim took offence to the following line...
"My second customer was Susan, she came in for diet pepsi and 5 kebabs, each day, and i said you wont loose any weight drinking that shit love... wanna go out the back and root?"
ExistAngst, when not in the great unmapped country that is the Internet, lives in Perth, Western Australia. It is where he has always lived and is probably where he will die. Consequently young Angsty has a fairly strange perspective on life. He thinks that violent crime is when there is a brawl on the footy field and the home team doesnt get a free kick. He thinks that terrorism is what Sarah Marie does when she wiggles her bum on national TV. He thinks that bad weather is 20 degrees celsius and a few threatening looking clouds in the sky. He thinks that Air Pollution is the lattest Nelly album. He thinks that poverty is having to settle for a medium quarter pounder meal rather then a large as he cruises through the McDonalds drive thru. He thinks that living a "hectic life-style" means having to drag himself out of bed for an 11:30 lecture at University.
He does indeed live in a lucky city.
However part and parcel of this is that he is saddled with white-boy-middle-class guilt. That feeling that everything is a little too perfect, and that somehow this isnt fair on starving children in some god forsaken middle eastern shit-hole. This manifests itself as an ardent social conscience (no really) which in turn manifests itself as membership in a political party that makes a difference to the way things are. ExistAngst is a member of the Australian Democracts.
Thankfully he is not Catholic. He would be TRULY fucked in the head then.
In fact he is not religious at all. He was indoctrinated with atheisim as he grew up. He grew up being told by his highly anti-establishment Mother "the Bible sure is a nice story... but the world is totally Godless. Now each your peas and go tidy your room Ryan". This is probably no better (or no worse) then being told that Aliens made earth many thousands of years ago, flew off in their space ships, only to return thousands of years later to clone some dutch people. Religion is just plain scary for 5 year olds... no matter what you tell them. I spose you can suger coat it for them a bit. Hand puppets, pleasant euphemisms and diagrams etc etc. But how do you tell a kid that the universe is without fundamental order or direction? God... fuck the kids: Angsty himself still finds it scary as all fuck.
Angsty isnt sure why this bio is being written in 3rd person. Maybe its for all the same reasons people dont represent themselves in court... they get other people, Lawyers, to come and do it for them. Its not that the law is a complicated subject.... its just that getting up in a court of law spruiking for yourself looks immodest.
"Yeah your honour. I really am a top bloke hey! I didnt really steal that car! Anyway i promise i wont do it again so dont send me to jail ok?"
ExistAngst is currently single. He likes long walks on the beach, long conversations over a candle-lit dinner, holding hands, rainy days spent in front of a wood fire and anal sex. This might seem incongruous given that he is still a virgin but go figure eh?
Is their anything else left still to say in this section? No. No ExistAngst doesn't think there is. He has said too much already.
artefact
ExistAngst enjoys making websites. Not necessarily very good ones. God knows he has made some god-awful kill-your-mother totally-shit-house websites in his life. But neither Womans Day nor Playboy will publish any of his articles so he is left with the internet as his only realistic publication medium.
Here is where they write music stuff. "They" being ExistAngst and some of his internet friends. "Stuff" being cd reviews, gig reviews, mp3s: whatever comes to mind at the time. This site will one day take over the world. Make sure your on it's good side when it does.
This is the site where ExistAngst writes about political, social and economic issues. This is where the aforementioned middle-class, white-boy guilt comes into play. So far Angsty is the only person that writes at issues.oz, but that might change in the future. Communists and Bourbons need not apply.
This site is supposed to be funny. Mostly because its about dysfunctionality and how Angsty is the personification thereof. Some of its funny, some of it isn't. Not much can be said about that.
This now defunct website, was the most important thing in the life of ExistAngst for about 2 years. Bearing his name, it was his clearing house of ideas. EVERYTHING about what was going on in his mind and life, was documented at some stage or another on Angstythink. It is therefore a hideous, humerous and interesting website to look back on. Sadly after 2 years of weekly posts, Angstythink eventually went the way of the Dodo. No you idiot i dont mean it went on a holiday to Mauritius, i mean it became extinct!contact
ExistAngst is really easy to get hold of.
[email protected]
[email protected]
[email protected] (he mostly only has this email address so he can use the ubiquitous msn messenger)
If ExistAngst is on IRC he will be on irc.nullus.net in a channel called #themp3alt
ExistAngst uses AOL Instant Messenger too. No prizes for guessing what his nickname is.
