by rock writer Martin Zygote.

Perth rock fans are reeling from the shock news that Lash are a shit band. Lash are a hugely popular Perth band who have been in the studio recently working on new soundtracks for car ads. It is thought their immense popularity has something to do with the fact there is one hot chick and at least two other kind of hot chicks in the band.

Lash themselves were surprised by the news. "We are very surprised by this news" said one of the kind of hot ones, "We always thought we were a great band, very talented and good at playing real, credible and intelligent rock music. We released at least one really catchy rock song, and even put it in a car ad. We thought this meant we were a good band."

"We all had our individual roles worked out, just like the Prodigy. We had the hot chick, the punk rocker chick and the other two. The news that we are a shit band has really caught us off guard. We don't know what we're going to do now."

The hot chick, who goes out with one of the guys from Eskimo Joe, was also startled by the revelation when this rock columnist contacted her by phone. "I always press my guitar against the amplifier to get feedback, at least three times after every song. I really got my rock moves down. Also, I'm extremely hot. Are you sure there hasn't been some mistake? We're not, in actual fact, a good band?"

After confirmation from this writer that, sadly, no, Lash were shit, she broke down and started crying, whereupon her boyfriend, that one from Eskimo Joe who thinks he's so good, came on the phone and told me to fuck off. "Haven't you got anything better to do than victimise my hot girlfriend, you fucking loser?" he said, before hanging up.

Next month- Eskimo Joe, are they really all that great?

Posted by Martin Zygote at August 8, 2003 06:39 PM