Many Kittens Drowned in Celebration

Australian Prime Minister John Howard recently visited Perth. Last time he was in Perth was to have his photo taken with SAS soldiers recently returned from Iraq.

This time he was here to chat about politics with his mate Colin Barnett. On the list of matters to be discussed was how best to make Colin less of a useless tool, how to drown more kittens each year, how to steal more candy from babies and small children, how to make puppy dogs yelp more, how best to fight terorristlams and lastly how to win back Government in WA.

According to The West Australian's Ben Harvey, "Mr Howard used his address at yesterdays Prime Ministers Lunch at the Hyatt Regency to put National security firmly back on the agenda"

And its a damn good thing he did too. The people of Perth had nearly forgotten about the hordes and hordes of dirty muslim barbarians massing just outside Australian territorial waters.

There had been some concern from the Prime Ministers Office that he might not have mentioned the words "security", "terrorist" and "America" often enough in recent days and that these ideas might not be rammed hard enough into the minds of the voting public. However all such concerns were put to rest at the end of the speech when all present clapped and cheered heartily.

He reminded the audience of Liberal Party donors to be alert but not alarmed before throwing fridge magnets into the audience at the end of his speech. A few small children were struck in the eye with magnets (they were not alert enough), but otherwise his address was very well received.

The Prime Minister returned to Sydneyboringcity the following day.

The ALP are expected to have their State Conference in the coming weeks. Chief among matters planned for discussion, is how best to exclude more minority groups from Northbridge. On the list of groups under consideration are people with big noses, people with bad BO, people with small noses, people that wear too much deodorant cologne, people that wear shirts with vertical stripes, people that dance badly, people that wear shirts with horizontal stripes, people that dont dance at all and people not named Geoff Gallop.

This will follow the recent controversial move to ban Aboriginal children from wandering the streets of Northbridge after dark.

Dr Gallop is expected to soon be the only person allowed in Northbridge after dark. This is expected to cut crime in area by up to a massive 30%.

Posted by Wangst McPants at August 6, 2003 03:20 AM