martin zygote the journal

aug 7

God I hate my new naighbours, I really do. Noisily fucking as I try to concentrate on getting my fucked up life back together. Shut the fuck up you inner city scum. This is the sound of hell. Fucking heterosexual couples, I hate them so much. Actually I hate lesbian couples too, cos thats two chicks I'll never get with.

aug 12

if theres one thing ive learned its that old cliche that you cant take anything too seriously at all. when someone screws you over you cant blame them cos theyre just acting like the majority of the planet; come pull up a chair and hang out with me and the other 10 percent of the world that actually has morals.

fuck i hate this city. dont tell me perth is beautiful, thats bullshit. western australia is beautiful. evrything around and excluding perth is beautiful. perth itself is a festering wound swarming with parasitic insect scum.

the trendy people. the noisy people. the fucking suits. the fucking capitalist pigs. walking past the tramps with their shopping. walking past people keeling over and dying. fucking fat people reverse shitting mcdonalds through their gobs.

aug 14

fucking rude people. you walk into a CD shop and sometimes you get some piece of shit who ignores you for ages. not mentioning any store names, cos i dont want sanity records to sue. the staff are all laughing and talking to each other about last night's fucking amiel concert. when they finally serve me, my request for some obscure band they havent heard of is treated with cold royal disdain.

"Yo La Tengo? Erm...sorry, cant find them on the computer. Have they had any hits? Look, why dont you stop wasting my time, you grotty looking indie rock bore."

No, see, fuck you, I will fuck amiel in the arse with a basball bat right in front of you, and then i will remove your fucking clueless head like a teeball, you revolting nicely dressed fucking bimbo. YOU HAVE THE PROBLEM, UNDERSTAND? not me. Being unpopular is NOT a problem. But being a stupid gormless sheep motherfucker, THATS A PROBLEM, alright? And the fact you cant see its a problem, the fact you think its actually cool, and the fact that other plastic pop motherfuckers think its cool too, and the fact that all you pop motherfuckers get together and have sex in bedrooms at parties in nice big houses whilst fucking amiel is blasting through the wall, and then spawn more illiterate pop music fucks...and the fact that your population is growing daily, and taking over perth, and putting a fucking sanity store on every street....ALL OF THESE ARE PROBLEMS.

You fucking sheep moron cunts. Get out of my fucking way, haven't you seen a goat before? Look at em walking down the street.

MAn I hate fucking trendy people. The girls in those stupid midriff bearing plastic shirts. Shirts with stupid writing on it. What the fuck does that say? I dont care, I'm not gonna fucking read it. I read BOOKS, understand? I dont wanna read your shirt. Why do I wanna read some writing that was put there by some fashion designer jerkoff and then selected at some clothesshop by a moron retard-girl? Why do you trendy chicks walk down the street in threes, taking up the entire pavement, thrusting your lame-arse catch-phrase covered tits at me? like its not enough youre cockteasing me, you gotta irritate me with your inanity, by making it visible. If i wanted to see your intellect clearly displayed instead of just your tits, i'd watch the latest avril lavigne clip.

Oh you dont wanna fuck me cos I have a brain and taste in music? and im not dressed in stuff from the myer ghetto section? You can only fuck a trendy boy, so youre just gonna cocktease me and walk on past? ooh that is a shame. but guess what, retard bitch, heres an amazing coincidence for you...I wouldnt touch you in a zillion years. I only go after women with brains.

you trendy pop cunts. with your fucking sparkly little mobile phones. stick them up your arses. and the guys, worse than the girls, pretending they like the same shit music the trendy chicks like just so they can fuck them. you are an insult to my gender, understand? you should be castrated and then shot.

you trendy little teens. i wanna see you piled up along the mall and burnt till your bones are black. then i want every sanity store to be exploded, and the piles of shitty CDS extracted and piled up on the burning corpses of trendy people, so the melting plastic will seal around their dissolving skeletons. then we can paint them different colours and hoist them up, hanging them up above the mall as nice big colourful glowing plastic skeleton christmas decorations. this will symbolise what christmas is really about in perth city, plastic phonie motherfuckers buying as much plastic phonie shit as possible. who likes my plan? and then when christmas is over, people can purchase their own plastic skeleton, with all money going to people who really need it, people who's main priorities are shelter and food, not mobile phone ring tones and posters of kylie minogue. you could take your painted plastic skeleton home, have some mates round to drink lots of beer and do lots of weed, and then take turns pissing on it as you listen to very loud ROCK music.

aug 18

so here we go again. the rush, the worst bit. the high or the speeding or wahtever it is, if im manic depressive or whatever i dont know.

i was up all night drinking again last night and i didnt even get drunk. i was sipping bourbon like it was fucking cough medicine, a large spoonful every half an hour. i didnt drink fasdt enough to get wasted, just to get myself miserable and fucked up emotionally yet again.

and now the next day. i havent slept for almost thirty fucking hours. my mental problems are still buzzing around my skull like an eternal fucking circuit thats never gonna end. but now its like ive been listening to these voices for a straight 30 hrs, with no buffer zone of ten hours or so unconciousness.

why do i do this to myself>? i need sleep more than anything. its the only time im ever truly happy. i crave oblivion, i need it in nice big doses.

and now here i am, no sleep, completely hungover. i AM a hangover. i am a walking hangover. i am a shadow, a fucking shell of someone who was all nervous and twitching and alive a mere twenty hours ago. but now the strange calm.

all of a sudden i dont mind people that much for one whole day. walking around the city i dont mind them. The creeps cant get to me. Its like im so relaxed i just sadly accept them, but with no real anger. Its like im just too tired and fucked to generate enough anger. The toxins are obviously clustering over my cerebellum like an alien cloud, stifling the normal hatred i would feel.

instead i feel this real quiet sadness, like i know were all fucked, buts its okay, what can i do, nothing, so i just accept it. mankind is fucked. perth is fucked, shitty little hole that it is. shitty little microcosm of this fucked planet.

perth is so small, maybe it is the nicest city in the world...cos its got less people. but any city of man is fucked, no matter what size. build a city and the fucking animals will overtake it, infecting and infesting it with evil.

but all i feel is this sadness, a blind acceptance of our fate. fuck it, whats it got to do with me. i am one guy. i cant save the tramp guy, demanding money, trying to scare people so they know he's alive. he is as much of an arsehole as the yuppie nobs outside the CBD bar, he's just a much poorer arsehole. but if youre not gonna care for other people fuck you. FUCK YOU! you deserve what you get, poor or rich.

but thsi sadness is sitting underneath the rush, the high. the best and worst bit. its good...cos i feel a strange hope. but is terrible cos i know im gonna crash soon.

i feel so young and cool. my youth is beautiful i know. i am rock and roll. but i am also doomed. what can my youth or beauty or rock and roll do for me tommorow, when the chemicals in my head readjust themselves, and i go back to being just another jerk? nothing. these weird chemicals will all die, and then i will become a permanent jerk for the rest of my life. sitting outside CBD and buying stuff at sanity without feeling bad about it. I will turn into a jerk and stay a jerk, like someone pulling an ugly expression which freezes when the wind changes. and then there will never be this horrible/beautiful morning after speeding feeling, which picks me up and raises above the swine and vermin like some sort of angel. I will never have this brief salvation ever again. the chemicals will slide back into place and lock there, like tiny coffin lids.

Posted by Martin Zygote at September 5, 2003 04:34 PM