(editor's note: some of you may have seen rai fazio's paid ad in the sunday times last sunday in which he made a public apology. I recieved the following statement from mr. fazio via email, in which he continues this apology. he asked me to post it on this site for him, so I have. from a legal standpoint, and also in case anyone is thinking of beating the shit out of me, I would like to point out that I did not write this, I merely recieved it via email from an anonymous source who MAY OR MAY NOT be the real Rai Fazio. Frankly, I really couldnt care less whether it is or not, having better things to do with my life than keep abreast of the career of Mr. Fazio. It is for the interest of the Perth community at large that I cut and paste this statment.-MZ)

setting the record straight, again. By Rai Fazio

Just as I, Rai Fazio, attempted to set the record straight, with regard to the reported matter outside a restaurant in Subiaco, in a paid ad in the sunday times last sunday, I would also like to set it straight once again here.

I came across this Perth based website and realised that it is an excellent forum in which to make such statements, far better in fact than the sunday times, which frankly overcharged me for my ad. It is great to be able to post stuff here for free, cos it means I can crap on endlessly about how sorry I am about the whole thing. (Oh God, this was clearly a mistake- MZ)

So I have (or rather my lawyer, who has a slightly larger vocabulary than me, has) written another long confusing apology.

I would like to say that the Coffin Cheaters are really cool, they are very big and tough and strong. Especially Troy Mercanti, who really beat me good. He clearly punished me like the little bitch I am, and any statments I made when I was lying in hospital bleeding like a pig, that the Honorable Mr. Mercanti Esq. was a big stupid coward, were of course completely motivated by the fact he had cracked my skull open and I was feeling a bit miffed about the whole thing.

I hope Troy, who is a fabulous and very tough, clever and handsome guy, forgives me for saying he had "no balls," and does not get any Coffin Cheaters to beat me into a thick gravy. As I said, the Coffin Cheaters are great guys, very cool and much tougher and sexier than me. I am just a little poser pussy compared to these guys.

I used to be an arrogant and vain arsehole, I thought I was the Jean Claude Van Damme of Perth, posing away in the west australian and the sunday times, promoting my stupid gym and hanging out with all the rich try-hard gangsters of subiaco. They are all pathetic posers and wankers who are in no way as hard as the coffin cheaters, except of course for John Kizon who is actually a real gangster and a very cool and lovely guy, he is a mutual friend of me and the Cheaters, in fact he introduced us, and I thank him for that, cos he gave me some of the best and toughest friends of my life.

As I said, I was a complete poser idiot bimbo wanker. I thank the Coffin Cheaters for changing all that. Now my life has changed, I am a different person. After I got several types of shit beaten out of me, I had to learn to be humble. Apologising so profusely in public is just the first stage of my new life. I am also embracing Krishna. I am giving up boxing. I do not want to hurt anyone now I know how much it can hurt to be pounded like a woman. I thank the Coffin Cheaters for this revelation. When I had ths shit kicked out of me, it was like a cathartic experience, almost religious. It was like all the negative parts of me which had built up inside me were being released, along with alot of blood.

Whoever it was who fire bombed my stupid Northbridge gym, I again thank you. It is thanks to you I had to give up boxing and am now virtually bankrupt. You gave me the chance to start all over again, a chance to begin my spiritual journey. Oh by the way, I am not saying it was the Coffin Cheaters who did it. We all know it was probably terrorists or something. But even if it was them, WHICH I'M VERY SURE IT WASN'T, I would thank them, for saving me from myself, even though, as I said, it obviously wasn't them.

When I was in hospital, hurting like a badly beaten girl, and I heard my gym had been blown into tiny pieces, it was another revelation. It was like that cool movie Fight Club, I was now free from all my material stuff. Its as if God was saying, Okay Rai, now you're free.

Now you're free from your stupid gym where international celebrities come to work out and drink cappucinos with you. Now you're free from your identity as a Perth hard man. Now you're free from your money. Now you're free from your great clothes and very high quality drugs. Now you're free from admiration and respect. Now you're free from girls blowing you in your private sauna...GODDAMNIT!

Er...sorry, I mean, thank God. Anyway, I am thankful to my personal spiritual saviours, the coffin cheaters, for showing me the way to salvation and Krishna.

Now I would like to repeat the apology I put in last week's Sunday Times.

The facts are that I provoked an incident over a personal issue, and was a stupid slag for doing so. I was behaving like an irrational woman and deserved the beating I copped, fair and square. I aknowledge that everyone involved in resolving the incident acted with integrity and honour, even the guy who kept kicking me in the back of the head as I lay there unconcious with some other guy's foot on my windpipe. He was just carrying out his chosen profession with integrity and honour.

On reflection, my actions were entirely inappropriate and have created unnecessary and untruthful reports in many quarters, including statements to the effect that the Coffin Cheaters are just a bunch of girls, which was actually a complete misquotation made by the West Australian. I actually said the Coffin Cheaters GET a whole bunch of girls, cos they are so cool. Not that they WERE a bunch of girls, which is quite clearly untrue, as anyone who knows them knows, as they are very strong and masculine. But anyway, I digress.

I apologise to all who may have been affected by my conduct, including the guy who kicked me in the back of the head. If my skull injured his foot in any way at all, I am most sorry.

So thankyou, Perth rock city, for letting me post an apology here, and that is all I have to say. Again I thank the Cheaters for saving me from becoming an ageing Subiaco bimbo. I would love to stay in Perth and continue to hang out with the great John Kizon, and my new friends The Coffin Cheaters now that we have resolved that tiny little misunderstanding which was entirely my fault. But unfortunately, as I am now a Hare Krishna, I must move to Sydney to open up a new Hare Krishna restaurant there.

I have had fun living in Perth all these years, and I thank everyone, esp. the Cheaters, for all they have taught me.

Thankyou, Rai Fazio.

PS: The Coffin Cheaters rock forever! They are so great. They are the best. I am crap. I am shit. I am a little girl. They really kicked my arse good!

Posted by Martin Zygote at September 5, 2003 04:43 PM