June 23, 2003

JK ROWLING IS A HOTTIE!

Dear Harry Potter,

I never quite got what it was with you. It's like the whole Harry Potter craze swept the world but left behind a small bubble of normality with me in it.

I have your new book here sitting in front of me. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. My sister stood in line for hours to buy it. I half expect it to start pulsating light... or for an annoying British kid with big glasses and a magic wand to materialise from between the pages and call me a muggle. But such is the unwarranted hype surrounding this book that it does no such thing. It just sits there being a fucking huge book, that i am no fucking way in hell going to sit down and read.

How old are you now anyway? 15? I wonder if this is finally the year you pluck up the courage to make a move on Hermione. For fuck sake Harry, be a man (even though your not). Chicks dig cars dude. Just pick her up for a date in that flying car of yours. That your both too young to go anywhere interesting is hardly the point is it. Or if going on a date sounds like too much trouble then just grab her on the tit and be done with it. Some day after class when she will be too shocked to slap you. Find some way to let her know she makes the little wizard in your pants feel all strange. You should saunter up to Hermione at the Hogwarts School Disco and say "Hey Babe... wanna see the magic wand in my pants? It makes a magic potion that goes in your girl bits..... meet me in the Enchanted Woods in 5 minutes"

Cause you know Harry...... if you dont get in like flynn REAL soon then that fat fuck mate of yours, Ron, sure as hell will. Hmmmm. Perhaps you and I have more in common then i had realised. We are both good at doing stupid little tricks but clueless when it comes to the magic that matters. Losing our respective virginities for instance.

Much Love,
??? ExistAngst
Posted by ExistAngst at June 23, 2003 02:25 AM
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