Paul McDermott arrived in Perth today to perform shows with his new comedy band CRUD. He arrived with his two band mates, but he also brought along a massive entourage of over three hundred hip Melbourne comedy fans.

"We brought them just in case the stupid Perth audience doesn't get us," he told reporters.

The audience is made up of super trendy Melbourne people who understand comedy and why pedophilia jokes are funny. Some of them are sophisticated comedy groupies and star-fuckers, many of whom have had sex with McDermott, or at least tried to.



Paul McDermott: Pedophilia is still amusing

"We're so thrilled to be here supporting Paul," said Dinah Comedyslut (not her real name). "even if it means staying in this untrendy piece of shit city Perth. But I guess we'll just have to make do."

It has been rumoured the hip Melbourne comedy crowd may fly in a trendy Melbourne night-spot for the two week run, so they have somewhere to stay at night. "That was an idea we had," says Comedyslut, "to fly over something like maybe the Hi-Fi Bar, like scoop up the whole building, attach it to a helicopter and bring it over here to Perth, so we have a place to hang out, cos the Perth bars and clubs are so crap. But I'm not sure if that's gonna happen, I don't know if Paul can afford it."

Perth rock city is pleased to welcome these wonderful Melbourne sophisticates to our humble little hick-town, and look forward to learning a great deal from them.

CRUD perform their new show "Ten New Jokes About Child-Molestation" at the regal theatre next week.

Perth airport to be widened for Paul McDermott's ego Premier Geoff Gallop is under fire this week over claims that Perth domestic airport is to be widened to allow visiting satiric comedy genius Paul McDermott's massive ego to pass through it. Taxpayers will have to foot the bill for the radical restructuring of the airport, to the tune of eight million dollars. But Dr. Gallop today said it was a worthwhile expense.

"The Arts Minister and I decided that it was a small price to pay to have this amazing artist and all round swell guy visit our little town. Not to mention he is very hot."

Engineers will work on the airport for the next week to make the doors and gates up to ten times larger to allow McDermott's inflated sense of self-worth to pass through safely.

Hot sexy cult comedy rock star heart throb McDermott arrives next week to do a series of shows with his new band CRUD. He is expected to perform several classic songs about raping toddlers.

Airport security will be stepped up as the airport is expected to be packed with the fat annoying women who have become McDermott's bread and butter over the years.



Paul McDermott: loved by fat women everywhere

In addition to having a fantastic singing voice, the versatile McDermott can write, act, paint, walk, talk, breathe, read autocues, pose for photos and appear in Woman's Weekly.

Perhaps this is why he is still adored by DAAS fans across the world, usually sad, fat, lard-arsed girls with blotchy skin who haven't quite managed to come to emotional terms with the fact DAAS broke up twenty years ago, and Tim Ferguson has become, or always was, crap. They design stalker websites about DAAS, wear black leather jackets which are too tight because they're so fat, and turn up at McDermott's shows where they stand by the bar looking fat and annoying, hoping that McDermott will lose his powers of sight and try to have sex with them.

Martin Zygote is one of Paul McDermott's greatest fans

Posted by Martin Zygote at August 27, 2004 05:55 AM