Notice the concentration of dickheads in this city has become rather thick lately?

It€™s FASHION FESTIVAL TIME!!!!

It€™s a special time when any slapper in Perth with a portfolio gets an opportunity to have her scraggy bleached hair oil treated and a spray on tan at the expense of her agency then pushed onto a catwalk to play clothes horse to a succession of hideous creations made out on roof insolation and things.

And the organisers of the festival want you to know all about it. It has been advertised everywhere- from the Sunday Times to Channel Nine (exclusive back stage pass!!). This is interesting considering you€™re not actually invited. Don€™t be confused and think for a second that the €˜showcase of WA Talent€™ is actually there for YOUR benefit- it€™s simply arranged so that Natalia Cooper and Bazil Zemplis have somewhere other than the Neich Bar to take their hair. You see, the fashion festival is more about the relocation of one set of wankers from the €˜fashion industry€™ and dumping it on our door (or, more accurately, the door of the Mounts Bay Apartments). Now it€™s our turn to wipe their arses and make them feel good about themselves. This requires little effort on our behalf as host city- its simply our job to be crapper than Sydney and Melbourne- we don€™t even have to try!

So for the next few days the frapp-e-ccino and biscotti manufacturers of Perth should brace themselves as every self important tafe graduate in the country descends upon our little colloquial city and sucks all of the ugly out of it. Prepare to be bombarded with media coverage of obnoxious, eleven year old bulimics sporting glad wrap and making you feel incredibly inadequate for your lack of glad wrap. Also, this time of the year is particularly good for brilliant culturally ironic quotes. Truly, the gold that pours from the mouths of fashion designers (when it isn€™t filled with champagne, or a penis) is funnier than seeing little kids fall over and get bitten by a passing dog.

Here€™s one of my favourite quotes of the festival so far€ €˜The theme of the show is punk swimwear and instead of leather and studded belts I see€lots of bright coloured, one piece European designs. The style is hipster bottoms and Brazilian backs€™
-Stuart Anderson Swimwear Couture (pfft, Ridge Forrester can do that).

€because nothing says €˜punk€™ like a fuchsia €˜Monokini€™ on the Swan River.

Posted by Calire Amazoslafontz at September 11, 2004 02:25 PM