"Smoking is good for you!" Says Science Apologetically.
It seems to me that scientists are not completely sure what is good for you and what is bad for you.
I mean once apon a time scientists said that time spent in the sun was good for you because it keeps the scurvy away. Then we discovered that there was an ozone layer and that it had a hole in it so then the sun wasn't actually very good for you at all. Once apon a time we were told that alcohol is bad for you, killing brain cells. Then science comes out and says that a glass of red wine actually helps you keep leprosy away or something. We were told that marijuana is bad for you but then science comes out and says oh wait it turns out that marijuana might be used for many different medicinal purposes. We were told that beef was full of iron, which was good, but then that it turns you into a mad cow, which was bad. Sex was bad for you in the 19th century, good for you in the 60's, bad for you again in 80's, good for you again in the new century. I mean does science really have ANY IDEA AT ALL what is truly good for you and what is truly bad for you?
I have a theory that some day scientists will announce at a big press conference that it turns out that cigarettes are actually good for you. I am enthusiastically waiting for that happy day. The day when scientists have to say,
"We are sorry. We have been unsure about many things. We have never been certain about the origin of the universe, how the big bang happened, whether there is more then 1 universe, how is it that this exact system of physics came to exist such that it was possible for our species to evolve, and why if we evolved from monkeys is there still great big chunks of archaeological evidence missing. Clearly there are only few things we have ever been certain about. Well one thing. That cigarettes are bad for you. The one thing in the entire universe that we said we were absolutely certain about. That cigarettes are absolutely bad for your health. Yeah well it turns out that this isn't true anymore. It turns out that smoking cigarettes in moderation actually helps cure you from the following conditions, diseases, illnesses and short-comings...."
And I spose in a way it is already true. Cigarettes are certainly the cure for being a wanker that stands around complaining "do you know that those cancer sticks are going to kill you? COUGH COUGH Your getting smoke in my lungs!! I'm asthmatic!!!". You never hear a cigarette smoker suffering from that annoying social condition.
Put your hands in the air, if you're a smoker? Keep your hands in the air if you have ever been minding your own business, having a quiet cigarette, when some terminally ill cancer patient has walked up to you and asked "hey man… could I have a drag of your voice box?" If I was standing around having a quiet cigarette and someone came up to me asking "heeey man! Can I bum a lung off ya?" I'm pretty sure I would reply "FUCK. OFF. I NEED BOTH THESE LUNGS TO FILTER ALL THE TOXIC TOBACCO SMOKE I AM INHALING!" Then I would feel really bad for yelling at a cancer patient. And I would say...
"Look… I'm sorry for swearing at you. But my lungs are totally fucked. They are half full of tar! You don’t want my lungs. Why don’t you go and ask some non-smoker, who has nice tarless lungs, if they will give you a lung?"
Posted by ExistAngst at February 4, 2005 07:49 PM