Gods Gift to Women
I am actually gods gift to women.
No really it is true. I can never understand why people are so suprised I tell them this. I mean it seems obvious to me that if God were going to buy a gift for the women of the world he would choose me. There is no way in hell he would pick someone like Johnny Depp or Brad Pitt. Because God is a man and men suck at buying gifts for women. So God would choose me as a gift to the women of the world.
I have no trouble at all imagining God walking through K-Mart in Heaven Forum or whatever shopping center it is God goes to and seeing me on the shelf. He would say "It says here that this man likes porn, football, Silvester Stallone movies and beer. Yep this will do nicely. This will be my gift to womenkind."
Cause God has no idea how to buy gifts for women! And why should he? God is a man. Men were made in his image. So it stands to reason that God is just as fucking clueless as any other man. And ALL men suck at buying gifts for their women. Ladies, I am God's gift to women and you can think of me as being a little bit like the carton of beer you are going to get for Valentines Day.
Men are much better at buying gifts for other men. They dont mind buying gifts for one another. In fact they quite enjoy it because it's easy. The average man could receive a carton of beer every single birthday of his life and still be suprised and overjoyed each time.
Man 1: "Bazza! I bought you a carton of beer for your birthday!"
Man 2: "Macca! I bought you a carton of beer too. For being a good mate."
Man 1: "Shall we sit down and drink some of them?"
Man 2: "Yes lets."
But buying gifts for women is more difficult. It involves spending time in shopping centers. And men hate spending time in shopping centers. Shopping centers are emasculating. Men feel stifled in the confines of a Shopping Center. Men evolved to be hunters not shoppers so there is something that doesn't seem quite natural about men, the warriors of the species, being reduced to bundling potatoes into a plastic bag and then meekly waiting in line at the "8 items or less" express checkout at Coles.
Posted by ExistAngst at February 9, 2005 12:58 AM