Because Monkey's are worth it.
I actually moved out of home recently. It is quite a big step to take. For the first 22 years of my life my mother did everything for me and then suddenly when I am living on my own I have to do everything for myself. Moving out of home is one of the most independent things I have ever done in my life. Except for the times I have sex. Those are pretty independent also.
One of the things I struggle with the most is going grocery shopping. It is very confusing. I get particularly confused each time I walk down the toiletries aisle. It seems to me that the purpose of shampoo these days is to put food in your hair. That seems to be what it is all about. Here are some of things you find in shampoo these days...
- strawberries
- coconut
- almonds
- honey
- chamomile
These are all things you are supposed to eat! You're not supposed to put these things in your hair. Who is the bright spark at the Ponds Institute that decided it was a good idea to put food into shampoo? When I want to put some food into my hair I will buy a kilo of beef mince and really have some fun with it.
Stranger: "Excuse me Sir but is that a kilo of beef mince you have in your hair? It seems to be getting quite smelly."
Me: "I am strengthening my hair from the roots to the tips. What is the world coming to when a man can't wear beef mince in his hair while at a fancy restraunt?"
The other day I was in the shampoo aisle at Coles and I noticed that on some of the shampoo bottles was written in big bold letters:
NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS
I thought to myself, I'm not particularly impressed. That just means they haven't been comprehensive in their testing procedure. I am waiting to find a label on a shampoo bottle that reads:
"Yes we tested this shampoo on Monkeys. We know that if this shampoo can bring out the 7 kinds of softness in baboon hair it will do wonders for your's."
or...
"9 out of 10 Chimpanzees recommend Pantene 2 in 1. Takes out the dirt and fecal matter and leaves your fur feeling silky smooth."
It is the same with cosmetics. If I was a really really really ugly woman. I mean if I was so ugly that I looked a little bit like a chimpanzee, I would be going up to the make-up counter at Myers and asking for the stuff they test out on Monkeys. Who cares if they tested the lattest eye-liner on Salma Hayek? You could smear a large turd across her face and still find her desirable. But chimpanzees on the other hand? Thats the real test!
Posted by ExistAngst at February 10, 2005 02:21 AM