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« aussie blogs »The Green Fairy ExistAngst is listening to... ExistAngst is reading...  blip
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 ExistAngst12:47 PM Tuesday, November 27, 2001 |
 Gay Angstythink Cartoon No4 |
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 holy fuck this was dumb |
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ExistAngst 12:53 PM Thursday, November 22, 2001 |
Visual Basic??? Nah dude... im talking about Victoria Bitter. What sort of gayarse beer is Visual Basic? |
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ExistAngst 10:47 AM Wednesday, November 21, 2001 |
Thats what i stand for you fuckers |
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Some dude recently took me to task about my third last post, "Your the voice". He sez it was a akin to a "how to vote card", without admiting to being so. He reckons i was deceptively trying to coax people into casting their vote against the coalition, whilst all the while, quite ironically, pretending to ask people to think independantly. Fine. So now the election is over i will lay all my cards on the table and say what im thinking. If you voted for the coalition a week ago...... i hate you. I mean that. And not hate in any sort of a superficial sense. I wish apon you all the fires of a thousand stars, for a thousand years. For you and the next thousand generations to share your blood or bear your name. Oooops. Take a deep breath Angsty. Take a deep breath, acknowledge that you live in a democracy, and then patiently explain to these people why they made a mistake. *deep breath* Here are all the reasons i can think of why you shouldnt have voted John Howard...
Post stuff in the forum about what i have sed. Email me less, and put your comments in the forum instead. Im so pleased Winky is about. He does the funny so i can do the boring. He frees me up to be more boringer then normal. Its like in basketball where the other players double-team the good-player, and then the shitplayer is open for the three-pointer, chucks up a three, but misses the ring altogether cause he's shit. Winky is the good player and im the shit player, just in case that wasn't clear. Or maybe its nothing like that at all. Basketball analogies work poorly for angstythink. Email Winky with stuff so he's got something to post. |
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 Winky9:58 PM Monday, November 19, 2001 |
God's Food |
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Aren't mangoes ace! It's as though someone thought hey, what will I do with this big seed? I know, I'll surround it with half a kilo of heaven and grow the majority of it in Queensland. Well that last part is a problem in itself, but I guess the population has to scoop it's brains from somewhere. somewhere. somewhere. Still on the subject of food, if mangoes were made of meat, would vegetarians be tempted to take a nibble? I say yes, but I know nothing. Those who don't eat meat for humane reasons (let's call them, say, idiots) protest that animals need not be slaughtered simply for food. Of course the obvious argument to that is, if we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? Would a meat-enhanced mango be reclassified as an animal? Is there a point to this ranting? Is there a need for so many questions? Do mangoes dream of electric sheep? The answer to those questions is no, yes, no and no. In an increasingly swank society it is only a matter of time before animal/plant hybrids take off in a big way as fashionable items of food chic. Rose scented turkey, lamb sandwiches that grow themselves, and even the much speculated steakapple (one a day will keep the doctor, and inevitable coronary bypass, away) will become commonplace in a first world where there can never be too much to eat. The idiots won't know which way to look. Our good research dollars are being wasted on making pig noses glow in the dark and photocopied sheep. Meat has grown in our hearts as more than simply animal stuffing, and the sooner it is liberated from it's four-legged prison the better. But will it last? We all remember such fads as clear coke and space food sticks, or rather, we all don't remember them. Maybe the hype will wear off along with consumer interest, and we're left pondering why we started this in the first place as our tomato plant chases it's own roots for fun. If B-grade science fiction has taught us anything, it is that meatoes will someday start growing humans to see what all the fuss was about. Well it's only my second post and I'm out of ideas already, so if there's a pressing issue you feel the Angstythink readers (both of them) should be informed of then please email me at: Tell ya what, the first email I get at this address will be published in my next post. |
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ExistAngst 4:36 PM Sunday, November 18, 2001 |
Im gunna be filthy rich with dirty money!!! God bless Nigeria! |
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Date: Tue, 30 Oct 2001 09:27:28 -0800 (PST)Date: Wed, 31 Oct 2001 21:20:17 -0800 (PST) From: "Ryan A" [email protected] Subject: Re: THANKS To: "hammar ugo" [email protected] ok dude. Lets get it happening. Send me money barrister man. P.S. I can tell this is not a joke or a scam because its all in caps. Thats a givaway. Only really serious people write in pure caps. Good work Hammar. |
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ExistAngst 10:23 AM Wednesday, November 14, 2001 |
Gee Dub and Little Johnny looking very sexy in some very dapper suits. |
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NOTE: I made a point of not posting this untill after the election. Not that it would have been particularly damaging to Team Howie, or particularly helpful to my beloved Kim Beazely. But because I can't come out telling people to vote with their intellect, common sense and concideration one day, and then come out the next day to tell people to vote Beazeley because John Howard looks ghey in some picture i scanned from a newspaper. Staunch lefty, apologist, humanitarianist democrats/labor voter i may be, but i decided it was fairer to not engage in the sort of negative slanderous election politics that the conservative right enjoy so much. So i waited untill after the election. Of course, my plea for people to vote carefully either landed on deaf ears, or not enough people read Angstythink (clearly the former, given Angstythink is soooo widely read). Because Howard is back for another 3 years. I would say a sizable chunk of the electorate, just dont give a crap. These are the people that in the week before the election and perhaps even on the day of the election, were still undecided on who they would vote for. These are the people that say to themselves... "I could not give a dead rats nutsack, who governs me for the next 3 years........ but gee im terrified of big planes full of afghani refugees with anthrax in their suitcases..... i think it will vote for the guy thats been there for the last 6 years cause im kinda nervous about said big planes and i want as many things to stay the same as possible"And suddenly apathy has won the race. A race in which our democracy has come a distant second. Of course i doubt this phenomenon is anything new to Australian politics. I've no doubt that in times of complete security, the exact opposite occurs, and perfectly good incumbent governments get thrown out just because the apathetic public are bored with the Prime Minister. Its at times like this, i question the merits of the democratic system that im always so quick to defend. Perhaps the greatest loss after all this, is the loss of Kim Beazely to an ignomius retirement. That man is the greatest Prime Minister we never had. Even the Democrats, who got my primary vote, polled poorly. A disappointing election. I feel like i want to make amends. Like i want to salvage something from a very disparaging election. I think i might enter politics. 
Maybe he is going to save us with laughter? That would be nice. Lord knows it would be a change from the standard fare here at Angstythink. |
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Winky 12:10 AM Sunday, November 11, 2001 |
Pilot |
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I was just getting settled into my toaster when I heard a screeching on the veranda. I skipped to see who it was, only to find a slovenly man in a dress. I let Angsty in and offered him a friendly saucer of glue, which he politely declined. After we finished our saucers I enquired as to what brought him to my humble fallout shelter in the middle of the dawn. Angsty lay back in his seashell, tapping his knee wondering where to begin. The middle was as good a place as any. He sang a song of wonder and woe, showing me the markings the lizards forged, making gestures with his newly grafted antennae, telling tales of futures past. My elk tapped her genetically engineered teeth on the window, providing a reluctant yet necessary break from the story my cellmate was sharing. I levitated out into the back yard, Angsty close behind me with remains of last night's exorcism. He so enjoys feeding time, and I think the elk appreciates it too. After the unpleasantness he was barred from owning a pet for ninety-nine years, but that sentence seems to have all but elapsed in a blink of the eye in these days of self enlightenment and lithium. Angsty continued his tale while he poured the bucket into her neck, but my mind was not where it usually was. I was admiring the binary sunrise with the rest of the aviarians, making shapes out of the oil slicks on the horizon. Yet subconsciously my mind was exactly where it usually was, in The Peoples Republic Of Paranoia. Where has Angsty been these last few weeks? Where have I heard his story before? Why is my coconut late? I was awoken by the taste of freezerburn in all eight of my facial orifices. And then the pain came, throbbing relentlessly as my head pushed against something hard. Taking a step back I pulled my head out of the freezer and gasped for sweet, pheromonal air. Stumbling over to the kitchen I noticed the saucers were clean and garbage had been sold. My eye caught the green shimmer of the light above my table, an indication that it had been left on for longer than the authorities allow. Regaining my composure, I took the sandles off my hands and funked over to the table. Today's coconut was there, cracked open with the mail inside. Under the usual bills and love letters was a small, black disc, dated to about a month ago. I twisted into the laundry and relaxed in my cargo net, running my fingers around the disc. I wasn't in the mood for porn but curiosity got the mediocre of me. I sighed and loaded the disc into the roof of my mouth. Halfway through its three week runtime I spat the disc out and sat safety pin upright. Could it be true? No. A world without Angstythink is unimaginable, yet terrifyingly documented down to the last detail in this mysterious disc. Prancing out of my net in a combination of fear and malnutrition, my feet skimmed over the sand looking for the disc my heart rejected. I found it floating in a puddle of my own shame, the cost of emotional storage providing me with today's irony. If this sordid tale was true then I had no time to view the ending, I had to do something, and slow! I took the elephant to the snail station and caught the last insect to the Angstythink barracks. Arriving there before I left, I felt cold and abandoned. Odd, considering this is the last remaining fragment of the free world. Yet I never got the chance to break and enter through it's hallowed windows. In a moment of physical impossibility, the building turned itself outside in and disappeared into inky black somethingness, taking my will to live with it. Treading the phosphine-tainted waters of despair, a gentle claw lifted me from the gutter. It was Angsty. Yes Angsty! With a mysterious multicoloured man behind him. They were silent. Words could not express the grief I felt, and the rest of the universe would soon use crepe paper. If only I knew, I could have helped! Those were the waits Angsty was wording for. He produced another black disc, a blank one, and jammed it into my mouth. The multicoloured man dragged me out into the street and stopped in the middle. He let out a yelp and danced. He busted moves that John Travolta could not. He funked the great funk and grooved the ungroovable groove. Angsty wished us luck, before he and the rest of the world disappeared in a splattering of time travelling cliches. I will make Angstythink worthy. I will not fail. - Winky |
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ExistAngst 9:59 AM Wednesday, November 07, 2001 |
Your The Voice. |
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To all Australians that will vote this Saturday, Don't take your democracy, and the rights afforded to you by that democracy, for granted. Make sure that when its your turn to vote on November 10, your not just numbering boxes randomly because that's the bare minimum you have to do to avoid a fine. Make sure your not just voting for the party your Mum and Dad used to vote for, simply because thats the family tradition. Make sure your not just voting for the party you've always voted for, simply because that is the way you've always done it. Make sure your not being single minded about the multitude of issues that will effect Australians in the 21st century. Try not to be goaded into voting one way or another by fear and fear alone. Remember that those that would do us harm, are only as strong as we are weak... and that strength is not made of War Ships that can tow boats full of desperate families back out to sea Because strength is made of so much more then that. Its the consideration that we give to the social fabric that holds us together and keeps us strong. Its is our health care, our aged care, our education system, and the egalitarian principles we adhere to as we build on our national and personal wealth. Its is our ability to show compassion to those less fortunate.... whether they are Australian citizens or not. Remember that strength is not necessarily demonstrated by an inflexible Prime Minister that can't say sorry. Remember that strength, and consequently security, can not necessarily be assured just by giving an incumbent Prime Minister another term. "Better the evil you know..." is the wrong attitude for these times. If you remember nothing else, remember this: that it is the democratic, morally plural, principles of the free world that are under attack from terrorists. Therefore, the best way to fight back, is to treat your democracy and your vote, with extra respect and consideration. Not to vote with fear and trepidation, but to vote with pride and consideration. Not for a leader that offers security through maintaining the status quo, but one that offers the security that comes with strength through innovative social policy and a forward thinking passionate approach to Australia's future. When you drop your paper into the ballot box, imagine to yourself that the ballot paper in your hands is like a bomb. If you make it count, if you make sure you really believe in what your voting for, then that's a small retaliation to the perpetrators of September 11. Your ballot paper becomes a small bomb dropped on the heads of terrorists the world over. If you throw away your vote with the apathy that is all too common among Australians today, then your ballot paper is just a piece of paper falling into a cardboard box. But it doesn't have to be that way. Ok having said all of that, let me just say these things....
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ExistAngst 10:26 PM Saturday, November 03, 2001 |
Osama bin Lager |
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A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer. And the best cold beer is Bin. Bin Lager. You can get it crashing a plane, or looking insane. Being feared, or growing a beard. Making rich countries poor, or waging Holy War. Making Bush mad, or calling Jihad. You can get it burning a flag, or wearing a rag. Being an Afghan resident, or pissing off a president. Putting nations in trouble, or making some rubble. Being a fugitive fella, or killing for Allah. You can get it any old how. Matter of fact I've got it now. A hard earned thirst needs a big cold beer. And the best Cold beer is Bin. Bin Lager. 
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