Today my family and I went to an early xmas gathering. Analyzing the days events and those of gatherings past, I've concluded that the average Australian family christmas get-together, will have at least some, if not all of the following items:

• An uncle that talks incredibly loud
• At least one rather pale-looking relative sitting immoveably in the corner who is massively hung-over form the night before
• A table laden with entirely too much food for the numbers in attendance, prepared with unbridled glee by Nan (or Gran)
• A loud argument between in-laws
• A relative grumbling to you about how much of a wanker the in-law they just had a loud argument with is
• A veritable swarm of flies
• At least one incredibly ill-concieved gift idea, such as a toy that makes many loud and annoying sound effects given to a small child
• An embarrassed or surly teenager
• A relative who insists on wearing a stupid novelty hat
• An aunt or uncle who falls asleep in a chair after consuming the better part of a food platter comprised entirely of different types of cold meat
• A small child who has been fed sugar all day, running around psychotically, either trying to find more presents or just swinging unpredictably for the nearest male's groin
• A relative who leaves with much more wine than dignity

Aahhh christmas... there's nothing like fending off psychotic children, swatting at flies, breaking up heated arguments and enduring your aunty's wine induced ramblings to put you in a caring and sharing mood.

On a completely unrelated note, I'd just like to say that the new 50kph speed limit is absolute bullshit. In the wise words of Homer J Simpson, "Sure it might save a few lives...but MILLIONS will be LATE!"